Power – Dominance and submission with Andy Buru

… are open to throwing your assumptions on BDSM and power dynamics over board.
… are interested in exploring eros in a slow, mindful way.
… want to feel more with less.
… want to explore your dominant side.
… are looking for inspiration for your play.

This workshop is for individuals. You’ll pair up in exercises and also join trios. You can always decline or sit out an exercise.
It is a sex-positive workshop, not a sex-mandatory one.
Also, the workshop is in English. No translation will be provided.

Andy Buru‘s three-day experience on exploring POWER has been attracting international audiences since 2019. While the theme has remained the same, the structure is constantly evolving. The group processes focus on the philosophical, emotional, or spiritual aspects of the eros, not detailed teaching of techniques.

Refugium founders Christian and Jay attended POWER in 2025, and left forever changed. „I came to explore my dominant side,“ says Jay, „but discovered way more about my submission.“

„Power is the best workshop on BDSM dynamics I‘ve ever attended.“
– Christian, Refugium Founder

How does one explore power in the context of BDSM?

Andy Buru will guide the group through a series of exercises designed to explore the facets of conscious power exchange. Core principles are of course consent. Andy will show how you can establish consent for the particular exercise with nonverbal communication. It‘s always clear if we are in play or outside of it.
This invites slowness. Feeling more with less. POWER does not teach the flashy techniques of BDSM but instead helps you find your inner truth.

For details see the „Freedoms & Responsibilities“ section below.

„In a way, it’s like a game of edging – coitus reservatus – to retain the energy within oneself – to ride the high, higher and higher – with no goal other than to remain in the power play. If I, as the dominant, would instantly reach for my ultimate desire, our scene would end shortly – even prematurely, I would argue. If the pain and pleasure intensified too rapidly, or if I would unearth every fetish and fantasy I ever had, basically spurting the last drops of life, metaphorically speaking, of course – no more mystery would remain.“

But the temptation is always there, taunting us to lose control. Andy will show you glimpses of how you can attempt to remain, „teasing myself indefinitely in these ritualic plays of the esoteric eros. How can I do that as the dominant without losing my vulnerability? Without numbing out my emotions, without losing my deviant creativity, without burning out as a give-always-and-only kink dispenser. We relentlessly keep exploring this paradox of power, and that exploration is my invitation to you.“

Friday – 2pm to 10pm
Saturday – 10am to 7pm
Ritualistic Play Party – 8pm to 10pm at Refugium Divine
Sunday – 10am to 6pm

Each day will have a flexible lunch break.

Regular price: 350€

Early Bird price: 320€ if you book before May 31st, 2026.

Secure your spot now via Eventfrog.

• comfortable clothes for moving on the floor
• elegant, fetishistic and/or hedonistic clothes for moving in hierarchies
• clothes for being messy, or a readiness to be more naked
• a tool for stingy pain, maybe your grandma’s wooden kitchen spoon to an artisan-made 24-plait kangaroo leather single-tail
• pen and paper for notetaking

Born in Sweden but professionally nomadic, Andy Buru spent the past twenty-five years as an owned slave, a leather daddy, a hedonist, a purist, a magician, and a princess slut.

As a young kinky boi, they spent the years of 2004 and 2005 roaming the backstreets of Kabukichö, Tokyo and learning the ropes from people like Yukinaga Max, the little/young Yukimura. Later, they discovered the Berlin-based community of Schwelle7 and Xplore, where art and sexuality intersect-and where they still teach today.

In 2017, Andy made a smooth departure from the ordinary world, ditching a career as an organisational coach at a large international tech company to dedicate their life to teaching, writing, and embodying sadomasochism as a lived research practice. Nowadays, they spend six months of the year travelling and teaching, and the other six months studying subjects such as tea, flowers, and theatre, often in the misty mountains of Kumano, Japan.

In 2024, Andy released their book Rituals and Paradoxes: The Intimacy of Belonging in Sadomasochism and Esoteric Eroticism.
You can buy it on Andy‘s website or listen to it on Spotify.

While no preparation for this workshop is required, Andy Buru's take on esoteric eroticism and ritualistic Sadomasochism is worth exploring.

• One Take On Explaining Sadomasochism
• How Do I Know If I Can Sacrifice Myself?
• Exposing The Five Taboos Of Sadomasochism
• Four Languages Of Power
• Dominance In Balance
• Advice For The Dom At Heart
• Aftercare For The Vulnerable Dominant
• Listening Is The First Step To Domination
• Being Clear About Pain

Participating in these group processes is intimate and vulnerable. It is always a balancing act between freedom and responsibility – or selfishness and self-sacrifice – or safety and bravery.

Finding oneself in either extreme can result in paralyzing fear or traumatizing chaos. Dancing on this slackline of mystery is the fundamental skill we practice together.

Below are seven almost universal freedoms and responsibilities to help you navigate these intimate and vulnerable spaces.

1. Settle the score before you leave

To play, one must be vulnerable. To be vulnerable, one must trust. To trust, one must know that someone will help ‘settle the score’ when hardship happens – that you are not alone. Preferably all the persons involved in whatever happened. Listening, assuming accountability, and saying I’m sorry often go a long way. Sometimes more is needed, but at least by being there, you enable this process. Leaving without settling the score means unfinished business and long-term damage to the social web we are trying to weave.

2. Don’t kiss and tell

Also, to be vulnerable, one must trust that what I share with you – in words and actions – remains safe with you. You can always talk about your own experiences, what happened to you, and what you felt. But leave everyone else involved anonymous by not mentioning their names and being thoughtful with what details you reveal about them.

3. Don’t cockblock vulnerability

Similarly, to be vulnerable, one must trust that vulnerability is met with respect. When uncomfortable with others’ vulnerability, one often tries to make the vulnerable moments disappear by arguing for solutions, diverting attention to silly jokes, playing the devil’s advocate or playing the overprotective saviour. If someone can express their vulnerability in a storm of intense emotions, watch them in awe – you likely have something to learn from them. You enable others’ vulnerability by being vulnerable yourself; you cockblock vulnerability by playing the tough guy who doesn’t give a shit about anything.

4. Welcome all your emotions

When I demonstrate a particular exercise, there will be an emotional, non-verbal dialogue with my assistant. Don’t try to copy our experience. Instead, have your own journey. For me, a group process is perfect when someone is laughing, another is crying, a third is moaning, a fourth is confused, and so on. Know that all parts of you are welcome.

5. No fucking charity

You’ll pair up in exercises, join trios and quadruplets, and do group rituals. Even if you promised someone beforehand, and it doesn’t feel right in the moment, listen to the latter. Don’t do things out of charity. I take pride in trying to provide structures where it’s easy to opt out without creating an awkward situation for anyone.

6. Play inside the play, not outside

During our group processes, we have moments inside and outside of play. And we have rituals, signs, and language to move in and out. Some examples are entering a circle to indicate our willingness to play, placing our arms across the chest for a break, kneeling as a sign of submission, and establishing eye contact before body contact.

The exact semantics may change, but you must learn to distinguish and respect when play is happening and not. Inside, you may play with power, be seduced by it, revel in it, or rebel against it. Outside play, avoid being a macho or mothering dominant, as well as a helpless submissive or an assholish trickster.

7. Knowing, not knowing

I’m not your Guru Buru, nor your mommy or daddy. If anything I say doesn’t make sense to you, don’t do it. Similarly, the group processes are appreciated because they focus on the philosophical, emotional, or spiritual aspects of the eros, not detailed teaching of techniques.
Suppose a specific skill is foreign to you (like face slapping, choking, tying a rope around the neck, pushing trigger points in the diaphragm, guiding the spine through twisting the neck, etc.); it is your responsibility to acknowledge this. Recognising the unknown can be tricky, but it’s an essential meta-skill to manage risk-taking in your play. However, the exact technique is often not the main point, so you can ask me for an alternative or simply do your own thing. Sometimes, I’ll also have time to guide you step-by-step. You can also ask before attending if you are worried that your previous experience isn’t enough.

If this text seems complicated to you…

… you likely have a lot to learn from sharing intimate and vulnerable experiences in a group. Please notify the organizers if this is the case so I can keep an extra eye on you. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask beforehand or during the group process itself. If you have a lot of previous experience or a more senior position in the group, I will have higher expectations of you to act as a role model. If you are new and insecure, you’ll likely have more leeway to learn our culture. If you are deemed unable or unwilling to comply, you will likely be asked to adjust your behaviour or leave the group process entirely.

Working with the eros as a group process often raises questions about sexuality, nakedness and consent, especially when using modalities from the space in between esoterism and sadomasochism. Most bluntly, people ask Andy if it’s a swinger’s party or an orgy that they are going to. Or if something that is often considered very private or even sacred to them will be kept safe in the presence of others.

The best answer Andy can give is by defining a sex-positive space.

Basically, it means welcoming all forms of sexuality, and very importantly, that includes no sexuality. It’s a sex-positive space, not a sex-mandatory one. It includes all forms of orientation, like genders, sexes, practices, kinks, devotions, or fetishisations.

Simultaneously, it’s not a “safe space” nor a separatist space for any one kind of orientation. It praises the idea from BDSM that “Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay”, which means if another person’s sexual orientation is triggering to you, then you move yourself elsewhere. But, still, everyone is submitting themselves to a shared and often fairly particular theme, and if you deviate too far from that theme, you’ll likely and lovingly be told so.

It also borrows the idea from contact improvisation that “a dance” can be anything from fingers lightly touching for a fraction of a second to hours of diving deeply into slowness, embodiment and vulnerability. And both are valued equally. It aims to abandon the normative relationship escalator, which assumes that A must lead to B and C, a flirtatious compliment to a coffee, a date to a kiss, Netflix and chill to a one-night-stand, an innocent play to a long-term relationship. Instead, it invites you to relinquish your (and society’s) expectations and discover something uniquely unknown.

Obviously, consent and consciousness are essential. You’ll (almost) always be given an elegant and gradual way of escalating and de-escalating interactions that are slow and defined enough so you can remain conscious about what you are getting yourself into (or out of).

That being said, sex-positive spaces do not replace therapy and depend on you and your nervous system being able to navigate a space of both intense and intimate human interaction. In the end, a sex-positive space is a space to celebrate the diversity and creativity of the eros in all its shapes and forms. And Andy (and the Refugium) are genuinely sorry that they can’t provide a more scientific description, so in the end, we have to ask your trust to take a step into this mystery called life.

Hopefully, we got you. And no, it’s not a swingers party nor an eye-gazing contest.

While consent, safer sex, and trauma awareness are paramount in Andy's group processes, they don't offer a beginner-friendly nor theoretical introduction to the topic, like twenty good questions to ask when engaging with a new play partner, extensive self-inquiries on knowing what you want and how to communicate that, or learning how to interact with an unknown body for the first time.

„Don't get me wrong," Andy explains, „you'll get to practice these skills in every exercise, but I will assume you already have a basic knowledge of them. Instead, I aim to help you dive deeper into these often emotionally fraught waters of intimacy and not knowing. One that, in an embodied way, balances artfully and respectfully between safety and bravery."

How consent, safer sex and trauma awareness are dealt with differs substantially in different cultures and communities, so we will communicate in person how it works in each of the spaces Andy offers, as it also varies based on the topic and level.

If you want an introduction to Andy's somewhat paradoxical landscape of knowing what one wants, check out Chapter 2: While We Fall in his book Rituals and Paradoxes. Andy recommends that you travel with your own "safer sex kit" that might include disinfectant gel, emergency snacks, ear plugs, warm blanket, and yes maybe condoms. In the end, you know your needs; if you don't, it's time to start reflecting upon them.

If you are looking for that introduction to consent, Andy recommends getting familiar with the work of Betty Martin and their School of Consent.